Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
