im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
