I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
