You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
