2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
