dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I fill condoms, not promises.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
