I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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