All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he had hair everywhere except his balls
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
