Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
