we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
