I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize