Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
