Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
