Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't deserve a penis
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Couch. On fire.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
