I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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