shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize