**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
