We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
