Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
