half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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