I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
