It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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