Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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