Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
