Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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