I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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