I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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