My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize