my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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