So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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