Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
