I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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