Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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