Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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