Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
