Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
