you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
