I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
