your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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