I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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