Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
