cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
