i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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