she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
