I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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