I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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