I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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