Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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