Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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