yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize