Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
