I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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