a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
