dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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