just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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