Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
