I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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