my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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