Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
