He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
