Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
