dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
