it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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