I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize