I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
