peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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