last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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