I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
