i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
