hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
